Saturday, March 2, 2013

Do You Yell Alot?

If you are yelling more than just talking to your kids or even your spouse, maybe calming down a little might help you see things better. Not everyone drinks Green Tea (hence the cups at top) but if not tea, find something else that relaxes you and go do it immediately! I have found that the more I talk, the worse the situation gets.
I will usually walk away or go for a drive but since I have been sick that last option doesn't cut it anymore, so I pick up a book and say, I am done talking for now. Then if they still persist, I will lay my book down, and look them straight in the eyes, and say, "I said I was going to read awhile and it is in your best interest to let me do just that"! I am also reminded of a good song that used to be popular back in my day, "These Boots Are Made For Walking"!
Of course, I don't have any children at home, just me, hubby and our Yorkie, Charlie, but even he has at times gotten on my nerves. Charlie listens better than hubby sometimes. Charlie knows when I say Mommy doesn't feel good, she's got a Boo-Boo, he will come lick my hand or face and politely sit down beside me and go to sleep.
Too bad that does not work with people! I don't profess to know what to do with children anymore since things have changed drastically since my daughter was little. Back then we were still allowed to discipline them but now that is considered child abuse.
So, I listen to what the experts say and try to find common ground because in the end, I don't want to yell, either. I just want peace. And quiet. I am also afraid one day soon, I may just get that wish! Then I will spend eternity in silence wishing I had someone to yell at!
But for those of you who do have children and need help in what works and what doesn't, Go has some ways to help you cope. I only copied a few of them because I don't want any trouble with spamming or whatever so to see the rest of the list, go to their site and read the rest.
**Set clear boundaries. When rules are not clear in the house, children have a really hard time following them. If you have said in passing several times, “Take off your shoes when they are wet,” you may assume that your child has heard you and will remember that. So when it rains and he walks on your clean floor with wet muddy shoes you get upset because you “told” him not to a dozen times. However, to a child this is a vague and ambiguous rule. By setting more concrete rules, you help your child understand what is expected of him. Then he will be more likely to remember the rule.
**Set simple consequences. Sometimes parents threaten consequences that they themselves do not want to follow through on. If you tell your child if he does not clean up his room by 5PM he will not get to go to get to go to his friend’s house, then you better be okay with him not going to his friend’s house. If you are threatening that consequence because you know going to his friend’s house important to him, but had made your own plans, you are more likely to yell at him when he is being slow to clean his room. However, if you set a consequence that you can live with and is not complicated, you will have a much easier time enforcing that consequence without yelling and getting upset at your child.
**Speak to your child on his level. If your child is young, it can be intimidating to hear you standing above him giving commands. There is a good chance that a child of just about any age will not even fully hear you if you are not face to face with him. Getting down on his level might even mean that you make sure that you use words that you know he understands. If a child is given instructions and he does not fully understand, remember or comprehend them, how can he follow them? When this happens it is not the fault of the child for not hearing, but the fault of the parent for not speaking in a way he can understand.
Lastly, look at it like this, all children are not created the same and they will not have the same traits. If you got spoiled with the first one being golden and never had a problem with that one, then the next one or two are probably gonna make up for that golden one.
Doesn't mean though that the last two need to be punished because they did not act like the golden one. They just need to be treated like their very own person who is different. After all, doesn't matter what color of egg we are, we are all gonna be the same once it is cracked, and that just means we all want to be loved for who we are.
Would you really want all of your eggs to be scrambled every single day of your life? It would drive me insane if someone told me I had to be scrambled every day or else! And if I am a child, I would wonder, what does "or else" mean? You don't love me? You don't want me? I am a bad child? Am I not worthy of being loved?
Don't ever let that be your legacy.

Disclaimer: Mary Bearden personally reviewed these products. I did not receive any monetary compensation for my review, just a sample product. All opinions are mine and belong to me solely. My thoughts and opinions may differ from you.